Script feedback with Steve Coumbes - 9th November

Today I had my feedback from Steve Coumbes, and a lot of it I was expecting as I knew what I handed in was not a finished master piece, but more so a very rough draft with a concept that was pretty weak at the knees. 

So from the of point I was told that there was too much dialect involved, I was over using slang terms etc, and that needed to be shortened and if I wanted that effect then I could just use one or 2 abbreviations to denote that the character is a certain type of person. Also that the action in the story was not bringing it forward, and that it depends too much on text. I was giving away too much in the dialogue and most of it was unnecessary information, so I took that on board, leaving me thinking that if it isn't important then I may as well cut it from the dialogue. 

Then we got onto the actual story and the structure of it, to which he said it was a bit confused, mainly because I haven't really decided on whose story i'm actually telling: Millie or Sarah. He said it starts and ends from Millie's POV, but the crucial middle section is all about Sarah, which is absolutely right so I need to really think about which character I actually want to follow and develop. There isn't enough room in 10 pages to focus on both which I completely agree with. I have to prioritise one or the other an the conflict and choices that they make, and now thinking about it i'm feeling like edging towards concentrating on Millie.

We then focused on the structure, an in terms of it he felt too much happens via text or on the phone. I'm asking the audience to read, which is literally telling and not "showing".

(Example of over-usage of phone/texting)

There was a scene I was wanting to include which consists of Sarah receiving a note from a mysterious man, however Steve brought up the issue that it can't just appear explaining the backstory and just vanish, it has to earn its keep which is again extremely true! Then coming towards the end of our talk about my scripts structure we talked about the ending and that I need to decide on which event is more important. Sarah and Millie reconciled, Sarah changing her life, Millie getting another job? etc, so I have much food for thought here and a lot of progress to be made! 

Finally we then spoke about the tiny things like the layout etc, it seems pretty good however just a few mistakes on unnecessary things like adding 'fade in' or 'cut to', as they are not needed unless it is crucial to the story. 

With all of this feedback I've received and with the time I have, I'm confident on shaping the script into something that has conflict and change in abundance and which focuses on one main character rather than confusing the fundamental plot of the story with trying to find a balance between the two.  

Screenwriter Research - David Farr

Screenwriting Research

So one screenwriter that grabbed my attention was a man called David Farr, the reason for this is there was a recent series named 'The Night Manager' in which he wrote the screenplay for. This series went on to be nominated for 12 Emmy nominations, winning 2 of them which were for - Outstanding directing for a limited series, movie or a dramatic special, won by Susanne Bier. The other being - Outstanding music composition for a limited series, movie or a special (original dramatic score) won by Victor Reyes. 

David Farr was born on October 29th 1969, and lived in surrey, where eventually he went on to study at Cambridge university graduating with a double first in English Literature.

But before he had wrote the screenplay for the fantastic award winning series, he had been involved in many other productions and not only for TV but for films, e.g Hanna - Dir. Joe Wright. The synopsis for this film, to put it briefly, is about a sixteen-year-old girl who was raised by her father to be the perfect assassin, who is then dispatched on a mission across Europe, tracked by a ruthless intelligence agent and her operatives. The film didn't get massive recognition and didn't do too great in the box office but it was a film with great implications i.e empowering women, having female leads with their characters having huge strengths, going against Mulveys theory of the 'male gaze' . It also actually did receive a nomination for best screenplay at the St. Louis Film Critics Association, US.

The Night Manager - 2016

Each episode cost an estimated £3m to make, and one executive producer, the Ink Factory's Simon Cornwell, says the lavish adaptation was "a risk."

"It's a difficult book to adapt," he says, "and there have been quite a few attempts to make it into a film, it just didn't work. It needed six hours to explain the story.

"But to all intents and purposes, it's been written and shot as a film - we just hired one director, Susanne Bier, for all six episodes. I always think of it as a film - just a six-hour one."

Susanne Bier had won an Oscar in 2010 for her film 'In A Better World'. 

Overall this series really did enthral me and have me engaged the whole way through because of the character development and the narrative as a whole. The my main focus was on Tom Hiddlestone's character 'Johnathan Pine' as he is an ex-militant whose days in war have been over for some years now however due to current affairs within the series he puts his working gloves back on, so to speak, and we see such a change within him that I find fascinating. It just makes me think about my script and the development that all scripts need for their characters to work, to have conflict happen, which then brings about change, which results then in even more potential conflict. 

   

3 Short films - Frankie

Short Film Review - Frankie 

In this short film 'Frankie' Dir. Mike Pappa - brings to life such a creative screenplay in such a very ideal and attractive way. It reminds me very much so of a Wes Anderson type film. It does this through it's use of the camera and the aesthetics, quite a visually rich sense of depth. 

Synopsis - "When a watch repair man acquires an antique pocket watch that can control time, he decides to use it to achieve his dreams. His plans soon become sinister when he learns he isn't the only one with the knowledge of the pocket watch." 

With this concept having not much to do with my own narrative, I chose it because when i first viewed it, I was intrigued with a lot of the aspects of this short film. Through the use of its cinematography, it's sound and the lack of dialogue, the mise en scene and editing. It may be the one furthest away from my concept of narrative, however it is pretty influential in terms of the way it has been developed and created. 

What I appreciated about the short film was its lack of dialogue, as dialogue wasn't needed to move forward this story at all. I found particularly interesting as with mine I really did struggle to shorten the usage of dialogue as my narrative wouldn't really allow it, however with feedback from Steve, I was able to actually take out a character and shorten the entirety of the first 2 pages of dialogue. 

The camerawork and lighting was key to this film, as it adds to the dark themes and forebodes notions of insecurity and quite menacing undertones.

(Screenshot of 'Frankie')

The lighting is very suggestive, it is low key, amber lighting from the street lights outside, indicating somewhat that he is very isolated and it is reinforced by the mise en scene i.e he has his large alarm clock sat by the side of him. Also emphasises his senile dysfunctional life habits and that he has a strict routine to be kept to. 

What I also got much pleasure out of was the ironic twist at the end, as throughout the entirety of this short film, we are made to believe that the protagonist is such a methodical man and is extremely meticulous with time and how he spends it. However (spoiler alert) at the end of this short we see that he makes one huge error, he rushes into something without the foresight to think that there may potentially be something else interrupting the flow of time that he had not took into consideration, which ultimately leads to his demise in this short film. 

Dramatic irony is something that I recognise to be very useful and often needed in films for them to be rich and entertaining, one of the major things that I found useful from Steve Coumbes lectures. 

In conclusion this Short film influenced on both aspects of my script and my film opening. This was achieved through looking at the films lack of dialogue, and trying to put that into my own work, similarly to my other short film I reviewed 'Alone Time'. As well as this, on the filming side aspect of it, through its smooth edits, transitions and the beautiful framing that was used throughout it I have tried to adapt to my own work.     

    

3 Short films - Gift

Short Film Review - Gift 

With this short film 'Gift' Dir. Daniel Yam, I enjoyed the simplicity of it, and it's manipulation of perception, playing with the audiences conception of the film. 

Synopsis - 'This Boy Never Saw His Dad As An Inspiration. Until He Found Out His Big Secret
A son confronts the resentment towards his father only to realise his true intentions.'
Throughout the film, it's stylistic value isn't as packed as the other two I have chosen but that is down to this films context and narrative, it is the relationship within the short film that I have taken influence from, and not necessarily the visual aspect of it. I appreciated how we saw the growth of the characters and the complete change of the narrative in the end. 

We as the audience are made to feel empathy towards the young child, and see it through the eyes of the boy and feel as if he has been neglected throughout his upbringing. Clearly this isn't true as the big twist in the narrative at the end is that the dad has been so selfless with his life helping many others but himself, creating a sense of regret in us the audience and the boy who is now a man. 

Since my short film/script is about the relationship of 2 girls, and how it develops, I've been interested in how other short films have spun this concept and let it grow through conflict and change. This film obviously has a completely different narrative path however it still plays with the same notion. 

It did have an influence on my work in terms of playing with the perception of the audience and manipulating them into believing where my story is going to end up. I liked that idea of a complete change of emotions, and where our loyalties lie within a film, as these short films usually are the more evoking ones that make us question, think and are poignant. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DUYlHZsZfc&t=3s
(Gift - Short film. Dir. Daniel Yam)

Overall my view of the film wasn't fantastic, I felt it lacked certain visual aspects and came across a bit poor. However it was the narrative and its message that really made this short film.  

3 Short films - Alone Time

Short Film Review - Alone Time 

One short film that I chose to watch and which has significance to my work is 'Alone Time' Dir. Rod Blackhurst. DOP. Adam Mcdaid. Synopsis - 

'A young woman, stressed by her busy and continually crowded New York City existence spontaneously retreats to a solitary lake deep in the Adirondacks.'

This short film was sort of the main one which had triggered thoughts of having the theme of escapism of the mundane and monotonous lifestyles of the world we live in. It is what I based Millie's life on at first, trying to escape from the small town she lived it, wanting more from life etc, whilst at the same time being held back by her conflicting/controversial relationship with her old friend Sarah. 

As well as this, throughout the short film I really enjoyed the cinematography, which I tried to incorporate to my work visually, using specific long establishing shots, obviously not having the same context of beautiful forest landscapes, but using establishing shots in mine not just to establish the setting, to have a visually positive purposeful affect. 

(Screen grab of 'Alone Time')

(Screen shot of my location)

It was also the dialogue, or lack of it, in this short film that I liked an wanted to try and incorporate to my work but with my actual context and the narrative it was inevitable that I was going to have a fair amount of dialogue. But having said that I did try throughout the 2 minute sequence and in my script to really limit the dialogue and to 'Show not tell'. 

The diegetic sound throughout the short film is harsh in the inner city, contrasting to the naturalistic calming diegetic sound within the natural landscapes she escapes to. This I just found interesting as it is a very simple effect to use but it emphasises the clear contrast which I found clever. 

In conclusion this short out of all of the 3 shorts I watched had the most significant impact on the outcome of my script and sequence. This was through the use of all 4 of the visual tools used in film and TV - Mise En Scene, Editing, Sound and Cinematography. 

(Link to 'Alone Time' Short film) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUkXIgBHk8Q

Story-boarding and Shot list

Story-boarding and Shot List 

So as it was approaching the days of my shoot, in preparation for it, I knew I needed to come together with a strategy to shoot my scenes so it would be as efficient as possible on set. I did this by thinking through each take and creating a storyboard to give me a structural concept of how, shot by shot, the sequence would go. 

I'm actually very thankful I did this storyboard as I kept to it and it really did make the shoot much smoother than I first expected it to be. There were obviously moments of improvisation and where i thought i'd go off script to experiment with the camera and the dynamics of trying to shift the story to a different view point. However 90% of the time I'd be closely sticking to the line of the storyboards I had made. 

                                         

(I know what you're probably thinking, 'Wow, why didn't Jason just do a fine arts degree', and my answer to that of course is that it would of been too easy).

Before shoot though I did have some complications with casting, and with changes made to my first draft of the script (there were meant to be 4 girls, but having spoke to Steve Coumbes, 3 girls was deemed plenty) I now only needed 3 girls. This was hard to negotiate and plan/prep around as one of the girls I had in mind was on a different course with different schedules. So it was trying to find the right balance and a day where we could all come together and nip this in the bud. Fortunately for me it landed on the exact day I was given permission to film by Kent Film Office (16th Nov). 

The location was the Pier, which is just before you get to Catham bus station, and I had been prior to the shooting day to have a look at the surroundings and double checking safety for my cast and crew. Obviously it was extremely safe and surprisingly on the day of the shoot no one was actually on it apart from me and the crew! So that definitely increased the time efficiency and general expectancy of the shoot. 

(Taking pride in wearing that hi-vis)

Overall my planning and preparation before my shooting schedule definitely had a positive correlation with the speed and quality of the general shoot. I'm happy with the way it went and looking back on it there are no regrets, however possibly missing out on a shot or two, it still didn't effect how my coverage of the narrative came out looking. 

Embers 2nd edit

Embers - 2nd Edit 

Having done my first edit and getting the feedback that I did, I felt confident in knowing where to focus my attention and full concentration. 
So having taken on board the positive criticism I had been given on my first edit, I focused on changing the music and setting a certain tone throughout the beginning and closing moments of my sequence. 

To be truthful I found it quite hard to find a certain piece of music that ran well with both scenes and after hours of trawling through the Youtube audio clips, I ended up frustratingly picking ones out of pure desperation and madness. Clearly this resulted in the 2nd edit still not really have a well working soundtrack. So I am still on the look for one! 

However there is some good salvageable feedback that i received, being told that i'm almost there with it, and to just look at the finer details now made me feel fairly content with the level of work I had produced. E.g to look into the colouring of certain shots, and the diegetic sound of the sequence, adding authenticity to the sequence with natural sounding clips, matching with the scene to give it a real sense of genuineness. 

Overall I'm pleased with the second edit, knowing that there isn't too far to go now, but that there is obviously work still needed to give it a feel real sense of authenticity and depth of detail. 

Self study research on Screenwriting

Self Study Research on Screenwriting

So as i've been looking into several different screenwriters for film and television shows, a few have taken my fancy. But what i've also been intrigued by in my research, is how screenwriting developed as a whole and bloomed, solidifying itself within the film/tv industry as having a pivotal role.

The first screenplay was to be produced by George Melies with his film 'A trip to the Moon'  (1902). The film is silent. but the screenplay contains specific descriptions and action lines that resemble a modern day script.

(A Trip to the Moon. Dir + Screenwriter - George Melies 1902)

As time went on and films became longer and complex, the need for screenplays became more significant in the industry. The arrival of movie theatres also impacted the development of screenplays, as audiences became more widespread and sophisticated, so the stories had to as well.
Once the first non-silent movie was released ' The Jazz Singer ' (1927) Dir. Alan Crosland, screenwriting became rather important, resulting in them having a crucial role in Hollywood.

 (The Jazz Singer. Dir - Alan Crosland. Screenwriter - Samson Raphaelson. 1927)

The 'Studio System' of the 1930s (used during the 'Golden Age' of Hollywood) is a method of film production and distribution dominated by a small number of major studios in Hollywood (back in that era they were known as the 'Big 5' which consisted of '20th Century Fox, RKO Pictures, Paramount Pictures, Warner Bros and Metro Goldwyn-Mayer'. Their management structures and practices collectively came to be known as the 'Studio System'.) and these big five, or as it were named 'studio system' demanded vast productivity. Therefore leading to the birth of the 'Blue print' (continuity screenplay) of the film beforehand became extremely optimal. In 1933 the first spec script (A spec script, also known as a speculative screenplay, is a non-commissioned unsolicited screenplay. It is usually written by a screenwriter who hopes to have the script optioned and eventually purchased by a producer, production company or studio.) was written by Preston Sturges 'The Power and The Glory'  an it was bought by FOX for $17,500, it it did poorly in box office - it was only until the late 60's/early 70's that spec scripts really had a major effect on the industry. A man named William Goldman sold his spec script 'Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid' Dir. George Roy Hill - 1969 - to Warner Bros for $400,000 in a studio bidding war. The script went onto win Academy Award for best screenplay. This changed the industry for writers forever. Now screenwriting for TV is considered just as difficult and competitive as writing is for feature films. 

(Other spec scripts that have went on to win Academy Awards for best screenplay include - Thelma & louise (sold by Callie Khouri to MGM for $500,000 in 1990); Good Will Hunting (sold by Matt Damon and Ben Affleck to Mirimax Films for $675,000 in 1994); and American Beauty (sold by Alan Ball to Dreamworks SKG for $250,000 in 1998).

(Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid. Dir - George Roy Hall. Screenwriter - William Goldman. 1969)

As I was becoming slightly more satisfied with the amount of research I had delved into, there was one noteworthy bit of information that really caught my attention, which was that RKO Pictures had seemingly fell out of the 'Big 5' bracket and became somewhat extinct. 

So I decided to do a bit of background information on RKO Pictures, originally named 'RKO Radio Pictures'. It initially was founded by RCA to promote their RCA Photophone sound system. The initials in the company name stand for 'Radio Keith Orpheum', reflecting the joint venture of RCA, The Keith Orpheum theatre circuit, and Joseph P. Kennedy's Film Booking Office. Howard Hughes would purchase the studio in 1948 and sell off the studio to the General Tire and Rubber Company in 1955. The rights to the majority of the in-house RKO Radio Pictures films are owned by the current RKO Pictures with distribution rights owned and/or licensed to Warners Bros. Pictures via Turner Entertainment Co. While Walt Disney Pictures owns the rights to their own productions and films produced by Selznick International Pictures. (the latter via ABC Motion Pictures), the Samuel Goldwyn, Jr. family trust owns the rights to Samuel Goldwyn Productions films with domestic distribution rights licensed to Warner Bros. And international rights to Mirimax Films, Paramount Pictures owns 'It's a Wonderful Life' Via Republic Pictures and Universal Studios owns the films produced by Hughes. 

So after Howard Hughes sold it in 1955, it was then eventually renamed in 1957 from RKO Teleradio to RKO General, under the general tire and rubber company. This incarnation of RKO Pictures didn't produce films, they just handled the distribution rights to RKO General TV stations. 

However, in 1981, RKO General, under the General Tire and Rubber Company, began to reenter film production by co-producing several films with other various studios (such as Avco Embassy Pictures Corporation, Universal Studios, 20th Century Fox Film Corporation and Paramount Pics). Around 1985 General Tire's media holdings were reorganised to form 'GenCorp', with RKO General remaining as a subsidiary. A hostile takeover was attempted in 1987 on GenCorp and RKO pictures was spun off and sold to Wesray Captial Corporation, who then spun off RKO Pictures in 1989. The studio was then purchased by actress Dina Merrill and her husband and film producer Ted Hartley to form RKO Pictures, LCC, who remains as the current owner of the studio. 

Finally, what i also found quite cool was the development of the logo/branding of the company after swapping over hands and ownership of its corporation. Here's just a short video of that - 

One last piece of trivia that I'd like to share is that the Morse code heard on the logo transmitted this message: VVVV AN RKO RADIO PICTURE VVVV. I Just found that quite cool if i'm honest. 

Soft Trailer

Soft - Trailer 

In this task we were asked to create a trailer for the short film 'Soft' (Director - Simon Ellis) by using the short films footage and manipulating it into a trailer. What I found interesting about this task, having it be my first trailer ever made, was the selection of clips, and how it will portray film. 
I found it fairly challenging as I didn't want to show/give away the entirety of the plot through the no more than 2 minute trailer. It definitely had an impact on my thought process about how much time goes into a trailer and what conventions are used to grip the audience without giving away too much of the narrative. 

Overall I feel this edit was sharp and snappy but as always there is room for improvement! I'd like to think that I sold what the film is actually about rather than misguiding the audience viewing it.

Embers - First Rough Cut

Embers - First Rough Cut 

This is my first rough cut of all the footage I shot on the 16th/17th November. There are still a variety of things that need refining, and edits that will have to be adapted. 

There were some positive notes on the first rough cut feedback, there is a clear story, the framing on some shots were to a good standard and it flowed smoothly. 

However the key areas which need looking over were sound, having sound at the beginning and coming towards the end of the sequence is pivotal. I need to find sound that fits and matches the tone of the beginning and end scenes. The beginning scene would have music possibly foreboding a dark/sinister conflict then the end scene shall have something to a much more positive vibe.

Then there were other little adjustments I was recommended to make, e.g to change the titles so that when Millie (Katie Joslin) walks past in the third shot and onto the pier, have the title 'Embers' Fade out.  

As well as this, in certain scenes it can focus quite heavily on one character which needs changing to balance the overall view and directors subjectivity. 

Overall, for this being my first rough cut, and with the feedback I received from Mike and Simon, I feel not too far away nor swamped now with what I must do to achieve satisfaction with this short opening sequence. 

180 Degree Rule

Here is my short video created purposely to highlight my knowledge and understanding of the '180° rule'. The 180° rule is a cinematography guideline that states that two characters in a scene should maintain the same left/right relationship to one another . When the camera passes over the invisible axis connecting the two subjects, it is called crossing the line and the shot becomes what is called a reverse angle.

I felt I understood the concept and displayed that within the sequence, having not broken/gone over the invisible axis, however what I could of improved on is framing, the sound quality and editing. 

With each edit though I feel more confident, and with confidence comes creativity to do more experimental edits and shots. Hopefully with time this is shown through my work.